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December 15, 2000
Why Mexico?
copied from written journal - the required essay explaining why I decided to accept the mission and how I hope to grow through it
Travelling to Mexico is something I never would have imagined myself doing. It's a big step for me, so I'm trying to stay straight and focused on this goal, and it gives me a chance to use my abilities productively, for God's glory, such as in music / worship, puppets and skits. These are things I've always felt I wanted to do, but I've never had a reason big enough to convince me to do it. So I'm making this mission trip a mission in itself to break me out of my shell, and prepare me for a more active and outgoing ministry.
I like to say I'm not taking a step out of my comfort zone, but a leap. A step is still close enough to step back if you change your mind. I want to leap, because I know I have peace and confidence in God, and I don't want to go back if I start to feel unsure of myself. I've done that my whole life, and that doesn't belong in this area of my life. So even now I'm preparing myself mentally and spiritually for this trip, and making a big deal about it even if it is just a week. I don't want to see me go down to Mexico. I want to see a new person prepared in God, to make an impact with the team, in people's lives.
Over the past few years, my interest in remote missions has grown. And two years ago when Mike talked about ideas for a youth mission trip, I started thinking about the possibilities. Last year when Mike talked about this Mexico trip, I nearly jumped at the chance. But I spent some time before, deciding, praying for an answer, if I should follow my desire, if I was ready, how I could prepare. And I realized if I didn't take that opportunity, I'd never get anywhere in my ministry, always hiding, waiting for the 'perfect' mission for me. So I decided to do it, and work at giving everything I have, and effort, into making this mission the start of a new person.
Mike gave out a few copies of Jesus & Company to read - a couple who literally gave up everything and took up a mission of outreach for God. Through reading it I was consistantly deeply moved by everything God did for them and taught them when they were at ends of the roads. God performed miracles in their lives and through them, and I've always longed to see Him and know Him in that way, to see the look of otter joy on faces of people who hear and accept Christ for the first time, and experience God myself.
I've never led anyone to Christ. I've had opportunities but was always too self-concious and shy, limiting what God could do through me. I want this leap so I can push myself into changing, and have a part in furthering God's kingdom in Mexico and in the lives of missionaries, and work in a team with the same goals. I want to come back more confident, outgoing, sure of my faith and gifts, and with more experience to shape me for future missions, local and remote.
This is a mission for Mexico, but also a mission for God to prepare me and give me a new beginning.
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