Journal Archive
Online and written
[ previous entry - December 15, 2000 ]
[ next entry - February 06, 2001 ]
December 28, 2000
First Entry
Well, I'm up for a Mexico journal. What I'm going to write in here, I don't know. Hopefully some scriptures, songs, poems, whatever I feel led to write about. Maybe even some Spanish :)...
I'm glad I've taken this opportunity to go to mexico. Even if just for a week. It gives me a tangible goal to shoot for instead of an endless self-betterment vision. Though I haven't written an essay about the trip just yet. Maybe this first entry can serve as a starting off point.
My Spanish is getting there... I've got to find some kind of source to practice and compare with current Mexican Spanish. The book I have I'm not sure if it's up to date or correct to Mexican Spanish. I'm going through the exercises now, and man have I got a lot of work to do. It's like learning a programming language, only you're communicating with other humans with dialects, voices, slang, intelligent puns, etc. So many more things to comprehend than a set of rules. I hope God opens my eyes and mind when I try to learn this stuff. But it'll be quite an accomplishment for me, especially if I can get fluent by April... maybe it won't end with Mexico, but I'll be able to use it in possible future mission trips.
I'm praying right now that this trip will be a jumping off point for me. I've said that I want to recognize my comfort zone, and not just step out of it, but leap out of it. I don't want to be able to jump back into the zone. I'm so jumping out of what I feel I'm capable of (in my own wants) and leaping into what I want to be capable of (in my desires). I've wanted to go on the mission field, or had the inkling to do so, for the past couple of years, and doors just opened up left right and center for this... even to the point of being able to budget my money to plan ahead for this. It just seems like I was meant to do this. At first I was motivated by the fact that Lisa Morris was going, but as I prayed about it and contemplated the decision, I began not to care if she was eventually unable to go, because this was for me, and God, and the people in Mexico. Then all the doors hit me, and with more prayer about that whole relationship scene (having also other problems in that area at the time) I believe God told me to take up a challenge, first with myself, then Sara, then Lisa and Emma and whoever else wanted to take it up, Ben being one. For one year, focus our lives completely on God, not on anyone else in more than a friendship. Each of us are still young, and have other priorities. And I firmly believed that if we made a dedication to God to get close to Him and spend time with Him, He wouldn't send the 'right person' our way, knowing they would be dismissed during this period without question. I believe He'll honour that commitment, and maybe as a reward open our eyes after the period has ended and allow us to finally meet the 'right person'. But I hope and prayer was that after the one year, we wouldn't be happy or anxious that the year is finally done, but that we feel we could go another year without a problem!
I had a revelation that night about what to do. It wasn't that I should find a solution to the problem, but that in time the solution would reveal itself (or God would reveal it to us). I wanted to focus so much on this Mexico trip, that I didn't want to have to worry about my relationship with Sara as more than friends. And since then, so many things have happened, in everyone's life who took up the challenge. Like our eyes have been opened. More challenges, and struggles, but with another tangible goal, it's a lot easier to stand up for our decisions. It was just a matter of forcing ourselves to have faith in God. And now, at least from my point of view, I'm not so much forcing myself, but it's coming naturally. I think I'm on a spiritual uphill on my way to Mexico. And I'm hoping that when I go, I'll be a different person, prepared for the event in every way. It's like the 'Road to Mexico' (ala Road to One Day). And when I get back, I won't have any large happenings in the near future. It'll just be half a year until the challenge is over. It will be that time that will be toughest to endure. It'll be summer. Nuff said.
Anyway, This is the first step to my renewing for the mission. I pray that I'll continue in the right direction and battle any temptations and trials that may appear, and end up victorious, because I believe in one thing, and that is that God will never leave me nor forsake me; that nothing in all creation can separate me from love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. And if I believe that and have faith as small as a mustard seed, I can move mountains. Like in the Matrix when Neo could finally not even have to dodge bullets. The cross has said it all, that wonderful cross. Amen
[ previous entry - December 15, 2000 ]
[ next entry - February 06, 2001 ]